Hey faggots I'm back! After school started back up last spring, it was a while before I had access to this account again, at which point I decided to stop doing this blog because John Soloman and the other people weren't criticizing good comics anymore.
A couple of weeks ago, some things happened that changed my mind. First, when I started physics class, I saw that my teacher had pasted up a bunch of xkcd comics on the wall. Since xkcd is shit, and I have already explained why, this made me angry. Fortunately, I snuck in early one day and drew dicks all over all of them so they had to be taken down.
Then another thing happened. Someone I thought was my friend linked, on Facebook, an Achewood comic. Now I haven't written about why Achewood is shit (hint: it's a furry comic that's never funny) so this was forgivable, but I still unfriended him because he's a fucking furry faggot. (That's called illiteration, for those of you who aren't in honors English.) But this made me think: If people are still linking to Achewood and xkcd and Dinosaur Comics, then my job isn't yet finished. So I'm back, dicks and cunts, and I'm taking the internet with me. Look for my Achewood review by the end of the week.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Menage a 3
So, Menage a 3 isn't as popular as my previous targets have been, but as it's once of the shittiest comics out there, it's my sworn duty to tear it to tiny little bits. Menage a 3 is a Canadian comic, which is pretty much a strike against it already - the only other Canadian comic I can think of is Dinosaur Comics, which is fucking terrible.
Ma3 (what a fucking stupid name, incidentally, the abbreviation looks like someone James Bond would work for) starts out with our protagonist walking in on his roommates having sex. Gay sex. Yes, his roommates are pretty much Liberace-strength gay. The blond one even talks in goddamned flower-shaped speech bubbles, but our intrepid hero was too clueless to notice them constantly hooking up. Note to aspiring webcomic writers: THIS IS NOT HOW YOU START A COMIC. EVER. NOT EVEN IF IT'S A DISGUSTING TENTACLE RAPE JAPANESE HENTAI MANGA. (Which might actually be better than Ma3, actually.)
So the fag-lovebirds decide to move across town to another apartment, which means that Gary (our hero's name, which I just mistyped as Gay, which I guess I'll call him from now on) has to find two new roommates to help pay the rent. Lucky for Gay, though, his roommates found time in between their creative fucking to put an ad in the paper for him! And sure enough, along comes a PUNK RAWK COMIC BOOK LOVIN' JAPANESE TATTOOED CHICK named Zii. That's gotta be every guy's fantasy, right? Well, just in case it's not, the comic introduces another girl, named DiDi, but who we'll call Tits. Sure enough, Zii and Tits quickly become Gay's roommates and Wacky Hijinks Ensue. Ugh.
But as utterly miserable as that storyline was, it manages to get even worse. We soon find out that the 29-year-old Gay is a virgin and, what's more, has never had any romantic interaction whatsoever. At this point I'm beginning to hope that Gay is (like every webcomic main character ever) a Mary Sue for the main author, because that would be fucking hilarious. Then comes a storyline where the characters think Tits might be a tranny and Gay might be, well, gay. Unfortunately, he's wrong, and all we get from the story is poorly-drawn monochrome T&A. It goes on like that, with more boobies and anime nosebleeds, for a while - incidentally, Zii is as attracted to Tits as Gay, which I guess makes her a lesbo, although they don't come out and say it.
Ugh. And it continues - I could fill pages upon pages with nothing but links to partially occluded, shittily-rendered tits. Both, well, Tits' tits, and Zii's. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing at all against breasts, but seriously, that's what pr0n is for. But soon enough we get to what is presumably the actual point of the strip, like, six months in. "Dave Zero1" and "Giz," who write the comic, have no fucking clue how to tell a story - they all end up taking way too long to end, or end too soon, or have no point, or take forever to get started. And then we get mystery, in the form of OMG ZII DOESN'T HAVE A JOB HOW WILL SHE PAY THE RENT?!?!?! Like everything else, though, it quickly degenerates into boobies. And gay sex, but if you like gay sex, get off my fucking blog. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually getting sick of female breasts. There are more anime nosebleeds, more tits, whatever, just pick a strip, any strip, and there it'll be. Also apparently Gay likes J-pop, which probably explains why he can't get laid.
So yeah. I'd criticize the art, but I'm pretty worn out from reading through the archives once - we'll just say the art's bad enough that I wasn't once turned on by NAKED GIRL TITS, and leave it at that. Good things: There are no furries or anthro animals in the cast (unless you count Zii's cat, who apparently wanted to fuck Gay or something - really, look at its position) and it makes no retarded "nerdy" references. That said, it's probably worse than Questionable Content, although since it's not even 1% as popular, I can give it something of a break.
To sum up the review, I'll link you to this Ma3 strip. "Porn with plots" describes the comic pretty well, actually, and one would think that it would be popular among people who liked that stuff. Except that NOBODY LIKES PORN WITH PLOTS. THAT IS NOT WHAT PORN IS FOR, IT IS FOR JERKIN' IT WHEN YOU CAN'T GET LAID FOR REAL. "Dave Zero1 and Giz" (LOL, jizz) don't seem to understand that, and so they continue to put out this piece of shit, which fails at both being porn and having a plot.
Up next: Achewood, maybe, if you beg for it, or possibly Dinosaur Comics, because that at least had the potential to be funny.
P.S. Tuesday's my 17th birthday, so I'm going out with my banging hot girlfriend. Send a card or something to: (first name)(last name without vowels)(92)@gmail.com. (My alias, I'm not putting my real name on this site, retards).
Ma3 (what a fucking stupid name, incidentally, the abbreviation looks like someone James Bond would work for) starts out with our protagonist walking in on his roommates having sex. Gay sex. Yes, his roommates are pretty much Liberace-strength gay. The blond one even talks in goddamned flower-shaped speech bubbles, but our intrepid hero was too clueless to notice them constantly hooking up. Note to aspiring webcomic writers: THIS IS NOT HOW YOU START A COMIC. EVER. NOT EVEN IF IT'S A DISGUSTING TENTACLE RAPE JAPANESE HENTAI MANGA. (Which might actually be better than Ma3, actually.)
So the fag-lovebirds decide to move across town to another apartment, which means that Gary (our hero's name, which I just mistyped as Gay, which I guess I'll call him from now on) has to find two new roommates to help pay the rent. Lucky for Gay, though, his roommates found time in between their creative fucking to put an ad in the paper for him! And sure enough, along comes a PUNK RAWK COMIC BOOK LOVIN' JAPANESE TATTOOED CHICK named Zii. That's gotta be every guy's fantasy, right? Well, just in case it's not, the comic introduces another girl, named DiDi, but who we'll call Tits. Sure enough, Zii and Tits quickly become Gay's roommates and Wacky Hijinks Ensue. Ugh.
But as utterly miserable as that storyline was, it manages to get even worse. We soon find out that the 29-year-old Gay is a virgin and, what's more, has never had any romantic interaction whatsoever. At this point I'm beginning to hope that Gay is (like every webcomic main character ever) a Mary Sue for the main author, because that would be fucking hilarious. Then comes a storyline where the characters think Tits might be a tranny and Gay might be, well, gay. Unfortunately, he's wrong, and all we get from the story is poorly-drawn monochrome T&A. It goes on like that, with more boobies and anime nosebleeds, for a while - incidentally, Zii is as attracted to Tits as Gay, which I guess makes her a lesbo, although they don't come out and say it.
Ugh. And it continues - I could fill pages upon pages with nothing but links to partially occluded, shittily-rendered tits. Both, well, Tits' tits, and Zii's. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing at all against breasts, but seriously, that's what pr0n is for. But soon enough we get to what is presumably the actual point of the strip, like, six months in. "Dave Zero1" and "Giz," who write the comic, have no fucking clue how to tell a story - they all end up taking way too long to end, or end too soon, or have no point, or take forever to get started. And then we get mystery, in the form of OMG ZII DOESN'T HAVE A JOB HOW WILL SHE PAY THE RENT?!?!?! Like everything else, though, it quickly degenerates into boobies. And gay sex, but if you like gay sex, get off my fucking blog. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually getting sick of female breasts. There are more anime nosebleeds, more tits, whatever, just pick a strip, any strip, and there it'll be. Also apparently Gay likes J-pop, which probably explains why he can't get laid.
So yeah. I'd criticize the art, but I'm pretty worn out from reading through the archives once - we'll just say the art's bad enough that I wasn't once turned on by NAKED GIRL TITS, and leave it at that. Good things: There are no furries or anthro animals in the cast (unless you count Zii's cat, who apparently wanted to fuck Gay or something - really, look at its position) and it makes no retarded "nerdy" references. That said, it's probably worse than Questionable Content, although since it's not even 1% as popular, I can give it something of a break.
To sum up the review, I'll link you to this Ma3 strip. "Porn with plots" describes the comic pretty well, actually, and one would think that it would be popular among people who liked that stuff. Except that NOBODY LIKES PORN WITH PLOTS. THAT IS NOT WHAT PORN IS FOR, IT IS FOR JERKIN' IT WHEN YOU CAN'T GET LAID FOR REAL. "Dave Zero1 and Giz" (LOL, jizz) don't seem to understand that, and so they continue to put out this piece of shit, which fails at both being porn and having a plot.
Up next: Achewood, maybe, if you beg for it, or possibly Dinosaur Comics, because that at least had the potential to be funny.
P.S. Tuesday's my 17th birthday, so I'm going out with my banging hot girlfriend. Send a card or something to: (first name)(last name without vowels)(92)@gmail.com. (My alias, I'm not putting my real name on this site, retards).
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