Just like there are webcomics explicitly designed to cater to sick fucks who beat off to transgendered people and to the idea of a dude turning into a lady or vice versa (and I'll get to those in good time, I promise), there are webcomics meant for the nerdiest nerds out there, the ones who spend their time drinking 2-liters of Mountain Dew and making quantum mechanics jokes and who've never seen naked breasts except maybe for Youtube porn. You know who I'm talking about. Yes, you, Adrian. I'm talking about you.
(I don't actually know anyone named Adrian, but I thought it'd be funny to make anyone reading this with that name piss themselves.)
Anyway, xkcd is intellectual jack-off material of the first order, and it sucks more dick than a five-dollar Thai hooker. Let's click "Random comic," shall we? Ah, yes, here we go: this one. Let me list the things wrong with this comic.
- There's virtually no art. All it is is a bunch of nerdy text with Crayola hearts drawn all over it. I have nothing against text in general, but if I wanted that, I'd just go scribble in my dad's old calculus textbook.
- The outright manipulation of the artist (if you can call him an artist), one Randall Monroe, of his audience's emotions. The average xkcd reader, of course, has never been out on a date, and probably can't even talk to a girl. So what does Monroe do? He draws his characters in skimpy outfits as fanservice and fantasy fodder, of course! Oh wait no he doesn't because he can't draw anything better than shitty stick figures, instead he just makes up a nerdy valentine poem.
- The so called "nerd-culture" references in this strip are all either dated or incredibly obscure. Seriously, Randy, The Matrix came out ten years ago. Referencing it isn't funny anymore. And what the fuck is a karnaugh map?
"basic abstract symbol-manipulating devices which, despite their simplicity, can be adapted to simulate the logic of any computer algorithm."
Yeah, okay, Randy, sure. Maybe you understand that, but what about those of us who didn't go to MIT and get all As? And once again, notice the lack of anything remotely qualifying as art.
Basically, Monroe is making a living by writing jokes that only fat, loser nerds will get and appreciate. This wouldn't be so bad if it stayed within the community of fat, loser nerds. But Monroe thinks that he's the coolest, smartest person on the Intarblag.
Then there's his occasional "parodies" of other shitty comics like Achewood (which we'll be reviewing sometime in the next few weeks), Megatokyo (OH HOW KAWAII I LUV JAPAN LOL DESU), and Dinosaur Comics (try and read that alt text without vomiting -- that feeling is Dinosaur Comics in concentrated form).
But worst of all is his "parody" of Penny Arcade. Not only does it fail completely at being in any way funny or amusing (unlike PA itself), it implies that Tycho and Gabe are faggots. Which I suppose they could sue over, but they won't, because they're far better people than Mr. Monroe.
Anyway, my English teacher says that you should always try to find something good to say in a review, so here you go: at least xkcd isn't a furry comic.
As always, fuck you all, and I'll be back in a few days with a brand-new, super-awesome review.
6 comments:
You are fucking retarded little man. xkcd is total shit but you are a terrible terrible writer.
Wang
That 'Adrian' bit reminds me of a Zero Punctuation joke where he does the exact same thing with the exact same name.WHAT A COINCIDENCE EH EH
When I read the harsh words left on the comments section, I understand my duty to clarify the apparent purpose of this blog; which I'm assuming is not meant not meant to be taken seriously, but as a loving parody of webcomic criticism ala John Solomon. There are several clues throughout this post that prove my point.
1.
One of the main arguments in his review of xkcd is that the jokes are too esoteric or nerdy. The comedy here is that the comic unabashedly advertises its nerdiness on the front page (look at the bottom). An idiot could see that.
2.
The profanity is hilariously misplaced. now I'm not saying that profanity is detrimental to an informal righting piece, just that said profanity shouldn't be artlessly thrown into the essay like so many kittens thrown into the stream by a farmer in those old cartoons (because that was before PETA existed). But I digress, my main point is that the internet thinks that the sentence,
"Cocksucking furry faggots should cut off there [sic] dicks", is funny while the opposite is true. This article clearly showboats this trend in an interesting if vague form of deconstructionism.
3.
He admits to living with his parents, or at least using their internet. If he was an actual blogger out to attack webcomics, than he would lie to say that he was a successful in the comic industry. Thus, he makes fun of those internet haters who make snide comments at various established web media but never leave their home barring ice cream runs.
4.
He exhibits a nigh onanistic obsession/loyalty to penny arcade. This is a direct reference to john Solomon. I know that penny arcade is a good comic, but that does not make Gabe and Tycho the second and third coming of the Messiah.
All said and done, this blog is either a lovely parody or it is the darkest corner of blogdom. If it is the latter, Mr. Calhoun then for the reasons stated above, go eat a dick.
Uh, you realize that "matrix" is not only a movie?
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